Friday, June 04, 2004

How NPR You?

Dear friends' baby,

Welcome to the world. Although we’re barely acquainted, I know we have at least one thing in common. We’re both unemployed this summer. That means we both spend a lot of time around the house, listening to the radio. It also means that money is tight. So you can understand why, in lieu of store-bought gift, I send you these wishes for your future:

May you grow to possess
• the lucidity of Nina Totenberg;
• the quirky confidence of Ira Glass;
• the curiosity and instincts of Alix Spiegel;
• the wisdom of Daniel Schorr;
• the giddiness of Scott Simon;
• the un-self-consciousness of Mary Lou Finley;
• the conviviality of Isaiah Sheffer.

And may PRI not raise its prices any higher, lest our local affiliate broadcast even more episodes of “The Great Gildersleeve” at night.

We ask this in the name of Kassel, Keillor, and Felber. Amen.


At 3:04 AM, Blogger Benedict said...

I can see it now:

"Dear grown-up friend of baby,

Thank you for welcoming me to the world. I understand from your letter that you, like me, are unemployed this summer, and that makes you sad in a wry, academic way I am too young to understand. But, hey, radio is a definite plus, isn't it? Mom and Dad have been holding the speaker up to Mom's belly in hopes that I will become a classical musician, or some such thing. But they keep dosing off and forgetting to change the channel, and then it's frightfully sad and upsetting news, every hour, on the hour. I wonder if some of the economic news I'm hearing is reason your money is so tight. Perhaps you should get one of these feeding tubes I have, which really cuts costs. Then you could send gifts to people the way your brother Benedict apparently did, even though he had no idea what it was. (two onzies with bibs? WTF?!)

In your publish-happy summer:

May you possess
• the unforgetable name recognition of Michele Norris;
• the self-deprecating humor of Jonathan Goldstein;
• the urbane wit of David Rakoff;
• the bank account of David Sedaris;
• the accent of Sue Ellicot (people love Brits!);
• the palate of Lynne Rosetta-Kaspar;

And absolutely no traits of the Movie Maven.

We ask this in the name of Segal, Naiad, and Dishwasher Pete. Amen."


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