Wednesday, February 01, 2006

February One

Dar Williams has a very sad, but beautifully poetical song called "February." (It's the cello that gives the lyrics their full expression, which is why I wish I could link to more than just a snippet of a sound file.)

I recognize the forlorn February described in Dar's song. But I like February. I prefer it to January. This year, I'm especially fond of February, because it's the month in which I can finally stop being pregnant. And, oh yeah, we'll finally get to meet our kid.

Speaking of the kid (and I realize that this blog speaks of little else lately), I'm starting to worry that he's going to be huge. Overnight, he—and I—had another growth spurt. He seems mighty happy about it, or so his frequent, rib-kicking jigs would suggest. I'm happy he's happy. And I'm happy that he's growing so well. But there is a little part of me that would like him not to get too comfortable in there, because the simplest physical tasks (eating, sleeping, walking, and even sitting) now range from awkward to awful. Meanwhile, I can't believe I just started a new job, and one in which I feel obliged to perform my energy.

This may have nothing to do with pregnancy, but I am also having a terrible time writing anything these days. I'm dissatisfied with every sentence that I write. (Just writing this blog entry has felt like a combined exercise in futility and humility.) My concentration as a reader these days is excellent. But my ability own ability to put words together or to complete a thought....

Cristina helped me find a film term I was looking for: "mise en abyme." In that funny way that newly acquired words and phrases tend suddenly to crop up everywhere, I today ran across the term in an article about Mary, the Mother of God. The author said something about the story of Jesus's conception having lead first to the idea of the Virgin Birth and then to the idea of Mary's own Immaculate Conception. So it was, the author joked, that the conceived-without-sin Mary gestating the conceived-without-sin Jesus become an iconic mise en abyme.

For myself, I'm eager to get back to the sinning.

And the writing! Hail Mary, full of grace, I really could use some help with the writing.